


Miss You

by himekohimura



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-01
Updated: 2008-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 20:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3664254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himekohimura/pseuds/himekohimura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaejoong is killing himself and no one knows why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miss You

They all knew that something was wrong.

JaeJoong doesn't eat anymore. Doesn't sleep, doesn't move, doesn't do anything unless it's for the Cassiopeian's who still call out his name, the steady rhythm of people who knew nothing of what was going on beneath. They're worried but don't voice it directly, only because there is nothing they can do but watch as their oldest falls apart and whither away into nothing but skin and bones. They're at the top of the world, and yet he is at the bottom of it and there's nothing his friends can do to save him.

They think it's drugs at first, but after a thorough search of his room and constant 24hr surveillance for a week, they throw this speculation out the window. It was like he'd lost the will to live and even with all their prodding, they could not get him to open up.

"JaeJoong, are you coming?" Yunho questions from the door and waits for the dark head to nod before moving on to the rest. Years after their international success, they're still living in dorms, more for the familiarity of it all than anything else. Yoochun tried once to move out on his own, but came over so much that he decided to just move back in, welcomed with open arms. JaeJoong had still been normal then. A shining sun among the stars. But now he's like moonlight, a refection of what he used to be.

It isn't as if they all hadn't changed in one way or another. Yoochun has become a world renown songwriter. Junsu's solo albums reach number one every time. Yunho dances his way into everyones heart and Changmin has a girlfriend. A girlfriend that he loves and misses every time they have to leave on tour. But as much as he misses her, he misses his hyung a million times more. He misses JaeJoong's laughter and light. Misses the Umma who used to cook him meals whenever he was down. Misses the soul searing voice that made him cry the first time he heard it. Misses JaeJoong so fiercely that he feels as if JaeJoong is avoiding him the most.

He'd always been sneaky. He hid his porn carefully when he was younger, just like he hid Junsu's soccer balls whenever he felt too tired to be coerced into a game. Just like he is doing now, sneaking into JaeJoong's room while the other is away on schedule. He needs to know what is taking his hyung away from him. What is killing his gentle Umma slowly from the inside out.

He starts with the drawers but finds nothing. Closet: nothing. Bed: nothing. Desk: more of nothing.

But as he is about to give up, he sees a lone piece of paper crunched up beside the garbage bin. Reaching down, he uncurls it, surprised when he reads his name and then serious when he realizes what it is saying.

_Changmin,  
You are everything to me. How can I live without you?_

_I die when you look at others that way, the way you look at her that way and not at me. not like you used to. You're no longer my sweet innocent Minnie. You're a grown man now. In ways that I cannot ignore. I see you kiss her, so sweet so lovingly, and I can't help but wish that I were her and she were me, so she could see how much this was hurting me. So that she would stop and give you back to me. because she doesn't love you as much as I love you, Minnie. No one can love you as much as I do. But you'll never be mine. Because I'm just Jaejoong and you're Changmin, the one thing I can't touch. My bandmate, my friend. My brother._

_But maybe, just maybe, one day I'll be able to tell you how I feel. And maybe, just maybe, you won't hate me for it._

**Author's Note:**

> Um, sorry. Really. Cause I don't have any intention of continuing this.


End file.
